Around Here Lately

My brain is mashed/mush/fried! & I am  not sleeping - again, well unless I pop a tablet. That makes it hard for me to clarify thoughts and write here. So, a little catch up. Hello! Nice to see you here!

I was due to start my much mentioned Diploma in Massage two weeks ago. This the first trepidous step towards what I hoped would bring a career change. Sadly on the day it was due to start I had a call to say it had been cancelled due to not enough people wanting to do it. I find myself thinking "Is this my path?" This is the third time of booking and for one reason or another not starting.....I'm a big believer in the old adage 'things happen for a reason'. Right now those stars are not aligning.....Currently researching private providers - I prefer to be in the classroom, not distance learning.

I have been back at work on a phased return following my hysterectomy for three weeks now. I won't pretend it's been easy. The old overwhelming feelings and insomnia biting! I've been exhausted. The pooch has got used to me returning home and having a brew before I walk him - how dare I!!

We (as in work) had the good news that the NHS Trust we work for won the tender for our service to continue, followed by swiftly being told there isn't enough money in the pot to pay all of my team - so we go into consultation on the first of April, more stress, trying to secure our jobs, going up against colleagues. Not nice.

& so, I am sure you begin to see why the opening sentence - if you have carried on reading!!

This weekend has been about replenishing myself, ready for work, trying to sort out my head, get some clarity. This helps. Being right here. Mr.L has been looking after me, cooking nutritious meals, I have read, run, sorted out my wardrobe as discussed here and I will share later.

In the meantime I keep looking at this quote, written for me maybe?

Bye for now you lovely people!
XX

I Can't Get No Sleep

& it really is no joke. Since I had my hysterectomy in October, and if I'm honest before that, my sleep has been far from great. Here is the face of me. Insomniac. Frightening!!!

Leading up to finishing work I was working late every night and worrying about having every little thing tied up (yes, just to be able to go off sick!!!). I wasn't sleeping and if I did I had incessant chatter in my head about everything I needed to do. Literally I was in a state of living to work.

After my operation, I was sleeping all hours of the day and night, whenever I wanted. And that was okay, because I could. I needed to sleep, to rest, to replenish, to heal.

Next came the horrendous hot sweats, particularly extreme at night. My sleep became so disturbed, I was having hardly any sleep at all. When I did sleep, it was fitful, disturbed by the throwing on and off of covers.

I saw the GP as planned to discuss starting my HRT (you have to have a break between hysterectomy and starting HRT). Unlike many women, I wasn't having the 'other' associated symptoms of menopause, which was good because what I was experiencing was bloody awful!!

After discussing and considering with the GP I decided that HRT, at this moment in time is not for me. I am a runner - weight bearing exercise strengthens bones as does HRT protecting against osteoporosis, I'm 47 this month - if I was early 40's this would NOT be a good choice, I'm not having mood swings, I'm not moody or over emotional (never have been), I'm still keen to you know what (first time in a couple of years pain free - yay!!) and am not having problems with dryness........sorry..........

So, I started medication that tackles the hot sweats only. It's worked - amazingly. I was having 30 - 40 hot sweats a day and am down to 6 - 10 after 3 weeks. Amazeballs. Sadly sleep continues to evade me. This week I reached desperation point, I could not cope any more. I could feel, as bedtime was approaching' anxiety kicking in, just awful. Here are some/all of the things I have tried;

• Not resting/sleeping in the day - in the morning I have felt that 'oooohhhhh, I feel like I could have the nicest sleep NOW' but have resisted
• Going to bed and getting up at the same time
• Temperature control in the bedroom
• Bedtime routine - you know the one; warm bath, not too hot, nice warm drink - chamomile tea or Pukka Night Time Tea (don't do milk), gradual wind down....
• Eating a banana
• No screens from an hour before bed - the screens emit blue light which can affect circadian rhythm (your body clock)
• No charging items up in the bedroom, turning all electrical items off (apart from hubby's phone) as the tiny flashes of light were disturbing me
• Increased exercise
• Headspace Meditation
• Deep Breathing
• Bach Rescue Remedy to calm me down. Yes! It's that bad! 
• Pukka Night Time natural remedy capsules
• I then went and bought a Lumie Body Clock which helps your circadian rhythm by simulating a dusk (time to go to sleep) and dawnbreak

As you can see. I've really tackled it, I need to, I am due back to work next week.

So, yesterday I went to see my GP again, who's brilliant. She listened and advised a very short term measure of half a sleeping tablet a night, to help my routine and take away some of the anxiety. I have also been given another weeks sick note. I have a job where I need to be on the ball, with no room for mistakes.

I could not wait to go to bed last night and pop that pill I tell ya! I did my 'routine' popped half a tablet, read my book and could feel myself slowly drifting..........................next thing it was 4am and even then I went straight back to sleep until 6.30am. 

Today I feel so rested. It's unbelievable. Well, it's not, cos, you know 'drug induced sleep' but, I need it. If it is going to help in my return to a normal routine, meaning I go back to work rested then it has to be. I will be taking them for 4 nights then seeing what happens without them. Cross your fingers for me - please!

Here is the face of me. One nights sleep. Seven and a half hours. Yay! Admittedly I have mascara on!

So hopefully, this will work. Have you suffered from sleep deprivation/insomnia? What worked for you? What helped? Sharing is caring! XX

Five Days In......

Hello lovely people! Two days in to the first week of the New Year. If life is 'back to normal' for you I wish you a slow start and little stress.

I have a week or two remaining of recovery from my hysterectomy before my return to work. The time left will be concentrated on returning to the work routine, walking the dog at the pre-hysterectomy time, but also trying to get a good night's sleep - something that has been evading me big time, I am now a fully fledged insomniac (blog post coming up) and am now struggling to cope. JUST GIVE ME THE DRUGS!!!

Yesterday though Mr.L dragged me out for a run!! Yay I thought, it may help me sleep - not!! Anyway, trainers were laced and with some apprehension we drove to the local reservoir, nice and flat. My aim was to run round the 2.5 miles at a slow pace without stopping and yay I did! My breathing was great, my legs okish. Happy Happy!

This is the second run since my hysterectomy. The first was around the same reservoir, I had to stop about four times going round but the actual running felt good, but by the time I got home I felt terrible and just crawled into bed in my running gear and slept for two hours - lesson to be learnt, too much too soon!!

So here is me, post run, tired but elated. The toenails are dirty so needed painting; for a change, green! A small gift from a work colleague of Loreal Feline Sauvage. Not a colour I would usually go for, but I like :-) Expertly painted as you can see....

 

 Thanks so much for dropping by,
See you soon!
XX

Around Here Lately

Oh my goodness. I've not been here for a while. Just wanted to drop in & say "Hi!" I hope all your plans for this Festive Season are going well. 

I've been suffering from insomnia - I was warned I would go straight into menopause following my Hysterectomy, whereas usually it is a slow onset, it has been headlong. They warn you about the hot sweats (around 30 to 40 a day currently) but not about how that affects your sleep. I am mentally and physically drained. Not good......hoping to start HRT next week. Bring. It. On

Luckily I have been able to embrace this wonderful season slowly, I have written Christmas cards (next year I think I shall buy a goat instead of sending cards!!), instead of the usual frenzied wrapping I am just wrapping a few presents a day, I have the first of three christmas cakes in the oven and am sat here nursing a cup of lemon and ginger tea, the dog at my feet and the sweetest little tree with its twinkling lights turned on to enjoy. It's 6am.....

This year I bought some gorgeous christmas cards from Michaela Gogova, a lovely lady who I met at my Sister In Laws hen party a couple of years ago. You know when you just meet someone and hit it off? Becoming Facebook friends, watching as she has flourished, showing works in London Galleries, Liberty purchasing some of her designs, posters on the Underground and now a student again at Central St. Martins. Her designs are simple forms but with the most intricate detail added, often with hidden words (spot them!) Love them! Hoping for a t-shirt for my birthday.......

 My Daughter and Sister share the same birthday. Both Sagittarians. Both fiery. My Daughter celebrated her 21st this time, I saw this card and thought the words were perfect advice for a 21 year old - maybe for me too! In fact, everyone ;-)

& for my Sister, this from A Two Pipe Problem - She loves her GIN! First seen on the lovely Jen's blog Little Birdie 

Whatever you are doing, I hope you manage to relax this weekend!
Thanks for dropping by, I really do appreciate it, XX